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66 reasons why it’s great to be a guy

Ms. Nice Gal – “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have”
Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat.
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.
Disadvantages: May wise up someday.
Old Yeller – “You goddamn spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable?”
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.
Advantages: Pays attention to you.
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.
Sickly – “Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite”
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.
Advantages: Predictable.
Disadvantages: Contagious.
The Bosser – “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom.
Advantages: Often right.
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied – “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair colour?”
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c’mon Honey.
Advantages: Easily soothed.
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.
Wild Woman out of Control – “I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.”
Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out.
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.
Huffy – “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at”
Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.
Disadvantages: You will have no friends.
Woman from Mars – “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship”
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable.
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.
Ms. Dreamgirl – “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now”
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited.
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

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What Daddy Needs

Phoebe unlocked the front door and let herself into the house. She dropped her backpack by the staircase and shrugged out of her denim jacket. Dropping it on top of her bag, she started toward the kitchen to get something out to make dinner before going upstairs to do her homework.
She paused at the door to the kitchen. The TV was on in the den and she knew what that meant. Her dad had left his office early again as he had so often since returning from his last deployment. It had been overlooked so far because everyone understood what a toll the tour in Afghanistan followed a year and a half later by a year in Iraq had taken. An army brat since the day she was born sixteen and a half years earlier, Phoebe knew they weren’t going to keep ignoring it, though.
“Hi, Daddy,” she said as she entered the family room.
“Hey, baby,” he said turning to look over his shoulder at her.
Phoebe leaned against the arm of the sofa and wrapped her arms around her dad’s shoulders. She leaned against him and kissed his cheek. “Do you need anything before I go upstairs and start my homework?” she asked.
Her dad handed her the glass he held. “Refill,” he said smiling at her.
She took the glass to the kitchen. The bottle was sitting on the black, granite top of the work island in the center of the room. She unscrewed the cap and poured the clear, topaz colored liquid into the glass. Lifting the bottle to her lips she took a swig herself before replacing the cap.
She returned to the family room and handed the glass back to her dad. He took it without looking up. “Thanks, pumpkin,” he said absently before taking a large sip letting it caress his tongue before swallowing.
Phoebe’s fingers trailed across his shoulder as she turned to leave the room. She returned to the kitchen and took the two steaks that her gran had bought earlier that day from the fridge. She sat them on the counter next to the range and headed back to the stairs to retrieve her bag and jacket.
Phoebe rinsed the dishes and stacked them in the dishwasher as her little brother, Justin did his homework at the kitchen table. When the dishes were done she checked Justin’s homework then joined her dad in the den to watch TV for a while.
She talked about her day at school and her dad drank. At nine she sent her brother to bed, making sure that he brushed his teeth first. When Justin was settled for the night she returned to the den.
At eleven when local news came on, Phoebe stood up and leaned down to kiss her dad on the cheek. “I’m going to bed, Daddy,” she said as she straightened up again. “Don’t fall asleep down here, okay.”
“I won’t, baby,” he promised. “I’ll be up as soon as the news is over.”
Phoebe woke with a start and looked at the clock on her night stand. The glowing red numbers read 2:09 AM. She lay in her bed for a moment trying to figure out what had dragged her from her sleep so abruptly.
Then she heard him. Her dad was shouting in his sleep and she knew it was another of the dreams that had plagued him since his return from Iraq. She jumped out of her bed and hurried across the hall to his room meaning to wake him before he could disturb Justin’s sleep, too.
“Daddy,” she said reaching out to grasp his shoulder. She gave him a little shake. “Daddy,” she said again a little more stridently.
He grabbed her upper arms and dragged her into the bed. Rolling with her, he pinned her to the mattress beneath his body. Phoebe struggled furiously to relieve herself of his weight, but he held her down as his hands began to roam her body.
“Daddy, stop,” she sobbed.
Still in the grips of his nightmare, he didn’t seem to hear her. His hands roughly explored her breasts before moving down over her waist to the curve of her hips. Her body froze in terror when he pushed his knee between her thighs forcing her to open her legs. She felt his hand slide up her thigh slipping easily into the loose leg opening of the terry shorts she wore to sleep.
“No!” she wailed as he shoved two fingers into the tight opening of her virgin pussy. She grabbed his wrist with both of her hands and tried to push his hand away, but he continued his brutal assault thrusting into her hard and deep. She gasped as she felt him slide a third finger into her.
“Daddy, you’re hurting me. Stop!”
His weight shifted and she felt his hands at the waistband of her shorts and then they were gone, peeled away with her pink, cotton bikini underwear. Before she could move, his body crushed her against the mattress again and she felt his hard cock poking against the tender lips of her cunt. As his mouth covered hers his hand slipped between their bodies and he positioned the tip of his cock at the opening of her pussy.
He groaned into her mouth as he pushed into her and began thrusting hard and fast. Tears streamed from Phoebe’s eyes flowing into her long, blond hair. His fingers dug into the flesh at her waist and she cried out.
“Daddy,” she cried pathetically, her hands at his face as she tried again to push him away.
He grew very still, his throbbing cock still buried deep inside her. “Phoebe,” he said hoarsely as he lifted his head to peer down at her in the darkness.
She sobbed and he groaned miserably. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She felt his cock flex inside her and then he began to move again in slow, shallow thrusts. He was gentle now, giving her time to adjust to the length and width of the hard cock invading the warm, velvet depths of her tight cunt.
Phoebe wrapped her arms around his neck and he buried his face against her silky, lavender scented hair as he continued to fuck her with slow, deep strokes. His hands moved to the backs of her legs and he urged her to pull her knees up. She did and he pushed up on his arms and began thrusting harder and deeper, his breathing quickening along with the tempo of his strokes.
She wrapped her legs around his hips and began to meet his thrusts. She could feel the tension building in the pit of her stomach and she knew she was going to cum. Her dad’s breathing grew ragged as he strained toward his own orgasm.
“Daddy,” she said breathlessly. “I’m going to cum.”
A low moan escaped his lips. “Do it, baby,” he said huskily. “Cum for me.”
He began thrusting harder and faster, pounding his cock into her tight, wet pussy. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold back much longer. Nothing had felt as good as being inside Phoebe in a very long time.
She rocked her hips meeting each hard thrust, her breath coming in whimpered grunts as his cock drove into her. “Uh huh. Uh huh,” she moaned loudly. “Oh, fuck. Oh, Daddy.”
“That’s it, baby,” he groaned. “That’s Daddy’s girl.”
Her back arched and her body tensed as her orgasm crashed over her like a wave that picked her up and rolled her in ecstasy. He felt her flood his cock with her juices as the walls of her tight cunt spasmed on his swelling cock. He buried his entire length inside her and let his own orgasm overtake him as he errupted splashing his daughter’s virgin womb with his hot semen.
“Oh fuck,” he growled as his balls unleashed another long rope of cum and then one more. “AAaahhhhhh, Phoebe.”
He collapsed on top of her and held her tightly while they came down from the high of their climaxes. When he rolled away from her he wrapped her in his arms and settled her against his side with her head resting on his chest. She snuggled against him as he drifted back to sleep and she prayed for no more nightmares.
Jake woke before his sixteen year old daughter and lay for a while whatching her sleep in his arms. He struggled through the fuzziness of his hung over brain to remember exactly what had happened. He vaguely remembered waking up in the middle of making love to Phoebe, but he couldn’t remember how she had gotten into his bed in the first place.
She stirred in his arms and opened her grayish green eyes. He winced at the uncertainty clouding her expression. “Are you okay, Phoebs?” he asked stroking her hair.
She nodded.
His hand moved to caress her pert, young breast. Her breath caught in her throat as his thumb lightly teased the pouty pink nipple to hardness. He lowered his head and flicked the hard bud with his tongue. She moaned softly. His lips closed over her erect nipple and he nibbled and sucked while his hand began kneading her other breast.
His hand left her breast to roam over the plains of her gently curved tummy while his mouth moved hungrily from one pink tipped mound to the other. He gently massaged the swell of her lower abdomen before slipping his hand between her firm, silky thighs. She pulled her knees up and let her legs fall open for him. He rubbed his fingers over her clit and through the lips of her pussy feeling her grow wetter and wetter before plunging them into the warm, welcoming depth of her tight young cunt.
“Daddy,” she murmured unsurely as he fit his hips between her thighs.
“Baby,” he breathed against her hair as he pushed his cock into her. “What’s done is done. We can’t take it back, now, and I need you so bad.”
She shook her head as he started thrusting into her.
“Phoebe, please. I need you.”
With a little sob she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly while he found the solace and release he craved in her body.

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Bob Sluts His Very Willing Trophy Wife

A gorgeous, plush bodied trophy wife is totally mesmerized by her brother-in-law’s 12 inch cock and will do absolutely anything to get it into all of her orifices. Her husband likes to watch while she lets herself get orgied and plundered by the massive dong and its ugly, callous owner

Water Park love part 7: Belize day 2

Note: This I s a continuation of Water Park love and involves male on male. Don’t let the door hit you on you way out if you don’t like it.
The music pounded and I didn’t know what was happening. I remembered “Stereo Love” pounding in my ears and then a warm breeze hit my face. I was outside. Stumbling and stuttering. The moon bounced off of the ocean and into my eyes, illuminating the various streets and closed shops. I stumbled and tripped. My eyes were becoming heavy, heavier by the second. I couldn’t get up. I was grabbed by the arm and yanked up. Black. My eyes lifted back up to see a window overlooking the ocean. Black. My eyes opened to see the same thing, but this time I was being entered from behind with heavy grunts. Black.
Two days earlier
Day 2
There is something about waking up in a white room, with a beach breeze flowing in, and a God sleeping soundly next to you. There is something indeed.
As I rolled over the next morning, I reflected on my time so far. I had embarked in a trip around the world with the love of my life and was two days in, in the most beautiful beach. I leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. I got up slowly and put on the underwear on the floor, not paying attention to who’s it was.
I walked down the hallway and took a right. I opened the two glass doors and was met with a warm sea breeze and the smell of the ocean. It was a beautiful day and I watched as people played outside of our fence.
I walked into the little kitchen and saw a coffee pot with some coffee sitting next to it. I poured water in it and put the coffee in and switched it on. I listened as the machine cackled to life and began to spew out the warm liquid that was like a savior to me on mornings like these. I walked over to the doors and sat in a chair right on the patio. I took a blanket and curled in it. I looked at the clock inside to see that it read 8:30 am. Perfect. The day was going to be long which meant all the more time with Mark.
“Underwear thief” I heard his voice say behind me. He hugged me from behind and kissed my head. “Good morning sunshine” I said. “Morning” he said. “I am making coffee” I said. “Yah I know” he said as he handed me a mug. “Thank” I said. I sipped and felt the warm liquid go down my throat. I rubbed my eyes with tiredness. “What is on the agenda today Crocodile Dundee” I asked. “Ha-ha. Well I had something excited planned but, if you want to stay here and have…. A little fun, I’m ok with that too” he said with a wink.
“Well as nice as having a little fun with you sounds, I think I want to get out and do whatever you have plans to do” I said grabbing his hand. “Good choice because reservations are already made” he said. He downed the rest of his coffee and kissed me. “I am going to the shower if you care to join” he said. “Be there in a minute”. He walked down the hallway and I sat there for a few extra minutes and finished off my coffee. I walked into the kitchen and took both of our mugs. I went to the sink and put the mugs in. I turned the water on and bent over to drink when I heard a thud. I looked around and saw nothing and then bent back over to drink. I came up and swished my mouth and spit it out. I turned off the water and turned back around.
I jumped and yelled. There in the living room was a tall, tan, muscular Mexican man clad in a tight red Speedo. I walked over to the other side of the counter and said “Um who are you”. “Frisbee?” he said. I pushed my immediate boner into the edge of the counter. His accent was so sexy. “No Frisbee” I said. He walked around the couch and towards me and I reached into the drawer and grabbed a handle. He stopped right in front of the counter and bent over. Fuck, boner just raised again. His ass was so tight. He grabbed a Frisbee and said “Gracias, adios” he waved and walked out.
“Random” I said as I ran over to the doors and closed them, locking them. I walked down the hallway and into the bedroom going into the bathroom. He was in the large glass shower, laying on the granite bench, with the water flowing on him. I walked in, stripped, and opened the door. I danced around because the steam in the shower was on and the floor was very hot. I ran over to the bench and jumped on. “FUCK OW OW OW!” I said. “Calm down” he said as he pulled me to him and held me. Suddenly the pain went away.
We sat there like that and I felt his boner raise into my back. I reached for it and he grabbed my hand. “I’m saving the best for tonight he said”. He then gnawed on my neck and I turned around and kissed him. We made out for a few minutes and I stood up, the steam has turned off.
I grabbed the soap and went over to him. He got up and let me wash his body. I lathered up his stomach and then worked my hands around his whole body. I ran my fingers between his and went down his legs and ass. He washed it up and I kissed his abs. He did the same to me and we stood there and kissed for a couple of minutes.
When we got out he dried off and told me to pack clothes for a night. With no protest I did what he asked. He grabbed our things and headed towards the door. “Come with me to heaven” he said. I followed and grabbed his hand. We walked out the door and walked around the house to the beach. We went right and walked down the beach. I took pictures with my camera and got some really good ones. We walked for what seemed like hours until we came to this tiny dock with a little boat with a cabin under it.
We climbed on. “Who’s boat is this” I asked. “Mine”” he said. His parents had some yacht club membership and he said he had this boat driven here. I went down the stairs and placed our bags onto the floor. I stood up and felt tears come to my eyes. I remembered the last time we were on a boat and the aftermath of the whole trip. I held them back and hoped this boat trip would be better.
I climbed up top and watched as he through the ropes onto the boat. He climbed into the front and turned the little boat on. We began to move out of port and were soon cruising around the island. I watched as we approached a little circle in the water, he went around and went into an entrance of the circle.
I gasped in awe. This “circle” was “The Great Blue Hole” a fascination of mine ever since sixth grade. The hole is a popular diving spot that was formed by sea levels flooding caves and is made of basically limestone. Mark told me he has a special diving license that let us be here. He stopped the boat and took off his clothes and was standing there in his Speedo I had bought him. Fuck I made a good choice.
The Speedo clung to his huge package and his ass. It was just enough to cover him, but not that much. His abs looked bigger and I ripped off my clothes standing in a matching Speedo. He same over to me and kissed me. “Fuck you look hot” he said. “Thanks, you don’t look half bad yourself” he kissed me again. “since you haven’t learned how to Scuba dive, were just gunna go swimming, but anytime you here a boat, swim under, or next to ours and do not be seen!” he said. “Ok”. I took the next few minutes to snap pictures of where we were.
As I was putting away my camera, I walked over to the edge of the boat and looked over into the clear water to find him. “Behind you” he said. I whirled around and he grabbed me, kissed me, and then shoved both himself and me into the water. I fell into the warm water and we separated. I was egg beating in place with him when I felt something on my feet. I looked down startled, only to find a school of fish swimming by. They were bright colored and weaved in and out of each other with perfect synchronization.
After swimming in this amazing place which had captured my attention for so long, we went back aboard the mini-yacht and dried off. After taking in the scenery and the view of the god in front of me, I climbed into his lap as he started to drive the boat away. “Wanna drive the boat little boy?” he said in a babyish voice. “Yes daddy” I said with a wink.
He instructed me where to go and told me to be aware of the spiratic shallowness of the water and that we would be killing someone’s habitat if the boat scraped the bottom. I saw a sign bobbing in the water and he told me to drive over there. By this time the sun was beginning to set and the sun was blazing orange and red. As I pulled up to the bobbing sign, he slowed the boat down until we were at a complete stop. He said that the sign indicated this was a safe place to anchor. He pulled a lever, and told me the anchor was going down.
I walked over to a bench in the “cockpit” (what I called the driving area) and laid down, taking in the view.
I fell into a sleep and dreamt about the boat and him and I being together forever. Then my dream turned strange. I was running through Belize until I was met with a random Jungle. I went into it, and I saw the sexy guy from my living room, in his red Speedo, sitting there. He takes off his Speedo revealing a gigantic cock. It was at least a foot long and uncut. He took his dick in one hand and began to stroke it, while with the other motioned for me to come over. I walk over and he tells me to sit on his lap. I do and he puts his cock on my face. He them yells at me, grabs my face, and wraps his snake like cock around my neck, I began to feel helpless and pop up out of my dream.
I sit straight up panting, I’m in the same place I fell asleep and scared out of my mind. The moon is high and illuminating the sea. I look around for Mark, but cannot find him. I run around the “cockpit” and down the stairs onto the deck. What I am greeted with astonishes me. There is a table set up with flowers, and candles. Mark is sitting there in a skimpy pair of lace bikini underwear, not my forte, but what the hell.
“How long was I out” I ask groggily. “About an hour” he said. “Remember hat bag I had yesterday when we got into your car that I said I had something for you? Well go downstairs into our room and see what I have, it is dinner attire for tonight” he said with a wink.
I walked downstairs to find a pair of white bikini underwear on the bed. I slipped my Speedo off and slipped the underwear on, there really wasn’t any difference. I admired my body in the mirror, but came to the quick conclusion that I was being narcissistic, and decided to go back upstairs.
When I came up, the table had been arranged with what looked like a food scene from heaven. There was fish over a bed of spinach, topped with flowers. “I made this while you were out” he said. He pulled out my chair, I sat down, and he poured me a glass of champagne. He sat down opposite me. “where’d you get this?” I asked, referring to the alcohol. “Found it in a cupboard” he said. “Cheers to us and this great trip” I said, raising my glass, we clinked glasses and drank.
We then ate our dinner, which tasted exactly how it looked. He slid his hand across the table and grabbed mine. I mouthed “I love you” and he said “Not as much as I love you”. I smiled. When we were done with dinner, he walked it over to a bow and put our dirty dishes away. He walked over and sat back down. The candlelight and moonlight were the only sources of light and I looked at his eyes. He put his hand on my thigh under the table and I said “Trying to make the move on such an occasion I see? Well Mr. Suarez, I think I might have to take you up on that” I said with a wink. He stood up and came over to me. I looked at his dick, seeing how massive it was in his panties.
He took my hand and pulled me up. He took me into a dancing position and turned on some slow music. He pulled me into his chest and I put my head in his shoulder. He took me and we began to sway. “This is so fucking clich?ark, but so fucking cute” I whispered into his sweet smelling skin. “Call me cheesy” he said, placing his chin on my head.
We stayed like this for ten minutes, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed his head in my heads and planted my lips onto his. He took me into his arms and carried me into the cabin. He pushed me onto the bed and climbed on top of me, kissing me passionately. A thought and fantasy came to my head and I flipped him over. I went down to the line of his panties and ripped them off with my teeth. I then stopped and said “Be in the driving seat and ill meet you there in two minutes”. He looked at me stupidly and then shrugged. He walked upstairs in all of his naked glory. The minute he was gone, I looked franticly around the cabin, looking for something I had seen earlier. I opened a cupboard and found what I was looking for, a sailor’s hat. I smiled, grabbed it, and ran up top.
When I was on deck, I looked up the stairs that led to the “cockpit” and took a deep breath and climbed them.
Once I got up, I saw him sitting where he was supposed to, his face away from mine. I came from behind him and placed the cap on his head. I then stripped off my panties and walked around so that he could see me. Both of us were steel hard and he smiled at me. I climbed on him so that I was straddling him, took his face in mine once again, and planted my lips onto his. As we kissed ferociously, our dicks pressed in between our stomachs.
He grabbed both our cocks and began to move his hand up and down, I began to moan. This is where my fantasy came into place. I had this naked guy, with an amazing body whose abs and perfect tan glistened in the moon, wearing nothing but a sailor’s hat and huge cock on a boat. This was some sort of fetish. “Captain, I seem to have gotten lost on the high seas” I said. “Don’t worry traveler, ill help” he said in a naughty tone. He then took my hips, moved them up, placed them over his dick, and lowered my ass down.
He eased his dick into me, while I was straddling him, and began to move in and out of me. He placed my back on the hugs steering wheel and stood up behind me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he leaned over me, grabbing my cock, and pushing his tongue down my throat. He began to thrust in and out of me, while jacking me off.
I was in ecstasy. This was different then the other times we had made love, this was a fantasy, a hot sexual escapade. “Captain, Captain” I moaned. “Fuck me” I yelled. He began to thrust harder, jack harder, and push his lips harder, every now and then grunting how lost a traveler I was.
My back moved on the steering wheel, all the while reminding me what was happening. He grunted and I felt his cock beginning to grow even more. My cock also began to swell. With one more Scream of “CAPTAIN”, my cum flew out of my dick, hitting me in the face. He then began to spurt jet after jet of cum into my ass, and collapsed on me, still kissing me. The horn on the boat began to blow, but he didn’t care.
When he became soft, he climbed out of me and led me to the bench on the boat. He kissed me passionately and we lay down.
The last thing I remember about that day was the warm evening breeze hitting my face and naked body, and the warmth of the man, or “Captain” cradling me.

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Meat Princess

When one of the best looking girls you’ve ever seen is your own mother, you’re bound to want just about any cute girl you see. But what if she’s more than just cute, she’s more beautiful than you ever knew anything could be?

me and my step sisters day1

This is my first post. Comment and tell me how I did. Yes I have two sisters that are twins. Their names are not colleen and Toni. I have never done it with them but I always wanted too.

My little sister Lily, Bonus Chapter: Lily’s dream

The Second bonus chapter of my first book. If you haven’t read Chapter one you might be a little confused. This story takes place a few years in. Danny and Lily are still together but that’s all I can tell you. Lily goes to sleep after a long day and a good orgasom. Maybe it’s desire or maybe it’s Mexican food but this is a look into the strange dream that came to her that night.

SARAH THE EXHIBITIONIST

“I owe you baby, next time I will blow you while two of my girlfriends watch. They have been asking me for a while. Would you like that?” I teased my man Roger as we wound down from a threesome.
“Promise me baby?” my man asked.